Eddie Nunklehead was gazing at a red bird in a tree. He didn't watch where he was going. He walked right into the tent, fell on top of it, and knocked it over. "Get off me, Nunklehead!" Brat Wurst screamed from under the tent.
Eddie lumbered to his feet.

Nunklehead was the klutziest camper at Camp Whinybaby. He was so clumsy, he fell out of bed every morning-from the top bunk. Wurst was the laziest camper. Sometimes he fell asleep while swimming and had to be dragged out of the lake.

"Help me out, dudes!" their friend Clu Lessidiot called. "My foot is stuck under a log!"

It was a close contest-but Clu won the Dumbest Kid in Camp Award every summer.

The camp director, Mr. Allgeek, stared as the two boys tried to pull Clu's foot from under the log. "Shape up, guys," he said. "You're the worst campers I ever saw!"

"We've got one other problem," Nunklehead said.

"Problem? What problem?" Allgeek asked.

Nunklehead pointed to the woods. "That huge grizzly bear that's coming right at us!"

"That's no bear," Allgeek said. "That's a ..." ¹

"...what exactly is it? I don't really know what to call it," said Mr. Allgeek as the figure moved closer. A horrific whimper was coming out of the leaves along with huge wet droplets. Loud shrieks and cries came from what looked to be a tiny baby, that was coming straight at their toes.

"It can't be," said Mr. Allgeek as he stared in disbelief. "This right here fella's far from the legend they told in my day. No siree, this is the real thing."

As the tiny baby continued to crawl forward its outrageous whines were becoming unbearable.

"This," Mr. Algeek yelled, "Is the Whinybaby."

"But I thought it was just a myth," said Clu.

"Everything's a myth to you," yelled Nuckelhead.

"Hey I wouldn't be talkin'," protested Clu.

"So what's it doing here?" questioned Brat Wurst.

"Doing none other than what a baby does best!" said Mr. Allgeek.

"What's that?" questioned Clu.

"Of all people in this sacred camp, I'm shocked that you wouldn't know this," said Mr. Allgeek. "On the other hand..."

"Just tell us Mr. Allgeek!" said Brat Wurst

"Well boys it's..." ²

The boys turned toward Mr. Allgeek but he was gone and so was the baby. The boys were confused. How could a baby get a man like Mr. Allgeek. "Well what do we do now?" questioned Brat.

"Let's save him tomorrow, I'm tired," Clu claimed hopelessly.

"Clu! Look out!" yelled Eddie.

Suddenly Clu screamed, "What is on my head?"

The boys burst out laughing. ³

"Get it off!" shrieked Clu. "Get this stupid bird off of me!" He ran around in circles until finally, the bird fell off his head. It was the weirdest bird the boys had ever seen. It had blue and yellow feathers with a splash of pink and purple here and there. Its beak was long and sharp, and its eyes were electric green.

Suddenly, they heard a voice. "The Whinybaby got away! Oh, no!" It took the boys a couple of minutes to figure out that it was the bird talking to them!

"Hey, um, bird? How did you learn how to talk?" asked Clu.

"I learned just like anyone else. Birds can be smart too, you know. You don't always have to think we're as stupid as you, Clu," the bird's words flowed smoothly. "My name is Pinkie Pyro. I came to tell you that the Whinybaby got out. That isn't a good thing. My job is to keep it hidden. And I failed. So now I need your help." ⁴

"Wha-what do you mean our help?" Clu stuttered, terrified.

"I mean what I said," the bird replied in a voice of forced calm. Then, as if he was imagining all the terrible things that very well might happen, he squawked, "THE WHINYBABY HAS ESCAPED! I need your help because as anyone with two eyes, and even the smallest amount of common sense can see, I don't have any hands. After I catch him, how do you expect me to carry the kid?"

"Oh, sorry, I just — I, uh ..." Clu mumbled.

Just then, there was a stifled scream from the bushes beyond. The boys and bird stiffened ... ⁵

The boys all heaved an enormous sigh of relief as Counselor Becky detached herself from the tangled brush.

"Hi there," said Becky. "Sorry, I was trying to take a shortcut to the mess hall and encountered some creepy little critters. Whatcha all doin' standing around with that bird?" As the closest person to normal ever to be employed at Camp Whinybaby, Becky was something of a celebrity amongst campers and counselors.

"Hiya Becky," yawned Brat, as he sat down on a rotting log.

"We saw the Whinybaby. He was real strange, Becky, real strange. But he got away, and this here bird, he. he." Clu rambled on aimlessly. He was staring at a shape looming in the distance, traveling toward them.

"Oh, gosh," Becky whispered gravely. ⁶

"Oh, it's Harold Pepper!" screamed Pinkie Pyro.

"Harold Pepper?" The boys and Counselor Becky mimicked in confusion.

"Why, yes, he's a good friend of mine actually," explained Pinkie.

Harold Pepper was a midnight blue colored bird with two pitch black rings around his bright yellow eyes.

"Pinkie! Are you aware that the Whinybaby is running away with what appears to be a grown man clutched in his fists!?" Harold was out of breath.

"Oh great, more talking birds!" Brat said, puzzled and depressed.

"He's got Mr. Allgeek!" screamed Clu, feeling smart at the moment.

"We know that, Clu!" Eddie playfully nudged Clu.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" The boys, birds, and Counselor Becky heard a loud screech. They knew right away that it was Mr. Allgeek. Everyone ran to the campground where all the tents were set up. There, they came in sight of Mr. Allgeek and the Whinybaby.

"There they are!" yelled Counselor Becky.

"OH, NO! It looks like their heading straight for the ." ⁷

. net trap!" cried Eddie.

"Well at least the net will catch them and we will finally have the Whinybaby and Mr. Allgeek!" exclaimed Pinkie

"But won't they be caught?" questioned Clu.

"OF COURSE THEY WILL!" everyone screamed at Clu.

"That's the whole point!" said Brat. "Weren't you listening?"

"No, I was too distracted by the smell from the mess hall. I wonder what's for lunch today."

"This is no time for lunch!" exclaimed Pinkie.

"Oh, well, um ." rambled Clu.

"Becky, Help me out here!" yelled Mr. Allgeek from the net trap. "I've got the Whinybaby but it won't stop screaming in my ear and I'm getting a headache from it! Will someone get over here?" The campers let out a little chuckle in unison. ⁸

"Let's go help him," said Brat.

"What are we supposed to do?" interrupted Clu.

Before anyone could answer, Pinkie Pyro took out a torch-shaped horn. When Pinkie blew into the horn, glowing sea green flames shot up into the air. Thousands of birds of all the colors of the rainbow suddenly appeared from all directions.

"Ooh, look at all the pretty colors," said Clu dreamily.

"Snap out of it, Clu!" threatened the boys.

"These birds are my cousins in the FBIA. They're here to help us," stated Pinkie and Harold Pepper simultaneously.

"What's the FBIA?" asked Eddie. "What does it stand for?" ⁹

"FBIA stands for Fighting Birds in America." Pinkie explained. "You see, we're all on a mission. Harold and I are to keep the Whinybaby in place, and since we failed, they all came to help us. We help each other out."

"This makes no sense," complained Brat, "First I find out that birds can talk and now I find out that they have an FBIA group?!"

"I think it's cool," exclaimed Eddie. "What do we do now that the FBIA are here?"

"This!" screamed Pinkie.

The birds in the FBIA, including Pinkie, all gathered together in a large huddle. They started humming a soft tune. As the tune got louder and louder, a large, neon green parrot with a bright red tail came flying over their heads!

"Whoa!" Eddie exclaimed. "Look at that!"¹⁰

The giant parrot perched himself on a large branch in the weeping willow tree. He cleared his throat and in a very deep, intimidating voice, he said, "Please have no fear of this 'Whinybaby,' for it cannot do as much as you may think." A great silence fell upon the campers, birds, and counselors. "I am Dr. Fadoodle," the large parrot continued, "and for years I have been studying this thing you call 'Whinybaby'. In my studies, I have found that this infant who whines is capable of nothing dangerous."

"Well then, Dr. Fadoodle, what is this baby capable of?" Eddie said timidly.

"Well, that is something you will have to figure out for yourself. But let me assure you, it is something great!"

Everyone was puzzled. Whispers took over the puzzled crowd. Suddenly Clu called out, "I don't get it!" But, the parrot was no longer there.¹¹

"Where did he go?!" shrieked a nervous Becky, "Isn't it a little weird for things to be disappearing into thin air like that?"

Letting out a chuckle, Pinkie explained, "He likes to talk like that and then disappear. Don't worry about it. It's just some magic trick he learned."

"I like magicians!" said Clu.

"Well, what do you think that Whinybaby is capable of?" Becky asked. "Do you think it holds the secret code to open up that trap door down in the mess hall?" asked Becky.¹²

"Well, who cares what it has done or can do? Let's just go back to the net and save Mr. Allgeek!" Eddie said. "What are we waiting for?"

"And while we're at it, let's go grab some lunch. I think they are serving hot dogs and french fries today." Clu said.

"No, Clu!" everyone yelled.

"We are going back to the net!" Becky screeched. "Let's go!"

"Oh fine, but I'm hungry." Clu whined.¹³

The campers walked cautiously toward the net. When they found it, Nunklehead broke the silence. "Wow, I never noticed how cute the Whinybaby was!" Nunklehead said as he went over to tickle him. "Goochi-goochi, AHHHH!" Nunklehead tripped over a rock, crashed into the net, and sent Mr. Allgeek and the Whinybaby tumbling down a steep hill. Everybody gasped as they timidly inched over to the edge to see what had happened.

      Clu was the first to get there. "That is so cool." he said dreamily.

      "That is not cool!" Becky shouted at him. "Mr. Allgeek and the Whinybaby could be seriously injured!" Now Becky saw it too. The Whinybaby was hovering in mid-air! He had finally stopped crying and was pointing angrily at the campers.

      He flew towards them and pointed again. Everyone was still in a daze. They couldn't believe it. The Whinybaby could fly! ¹⁴

"Ahhhh, it's flying!" screamed Clu.

All of a sudden, they saw Mr. Allgeek float up. He was flying, too! Eddie fainted. "What have you done with Mr. Allgeek?" Pinkie comanded. The Whinybaby started to laugh.

"Revenge," it snarled, and flew away with Mr. Allgeek close behind it.

Just then, magic pink dust started falling from the sky and Dr. Fadoodle arrived from out of nowhere. "I know how to fix this problem," he said. ¹⁵

"How?" screamed Becky, anxious.

"The Whinybaby has a secret room in a secret cave," said Dr. Fadoodle. "Follow his footsteps in the air," and then he disappeared again.

"Let's go," Pinkie said when he spotted the footsteps.

The group of campers and Pinkie followed the mysterious footsteps in the air to a dark, cold cave. Brat peeked in and gasped. He motioned for everyone to come over. They found themselves looking at the Whinybaby holding a big black pot with green slimy liquid inside of it. Mr. Allgeek was in the room, too. The Whinybaby was making Mr. Allgeek drink the liquid.

"It's some kind of potion," Clu shivered.

"Now," screamed the Whinybaby, "Repeat after me: I will get Pinkie tonight."

"I will get Pinkie tonight," repeated Mr. Allgeek. ¹⁶

Mr. Allgeek got up and headed towards the door. Clu screamed like a little girl and ran away as fast as he could. "What a great help he was," Becky said sarcastically.

The Whinybaby turned toward them and started to laugh, "Soon you will all be my minions and I will rule the world!"

Eddie ran towards the Whinybaby and attempted to capture it, but was thrown aside by Mr. Allgeek. Bratwurst noticed a little, plastic vial that contained a pink liquid substance. He threw it at the Whinybaby, hoping to ward it off. The Whinybaby saw it coming and ducked. The vial bounced off the wall and rolled back.

Amidst all the confusion, Mr. Allgeek had grabbed Pinkie and had him clutched in his hands. He was heading towards the Whinybaby.

Just then, Clu was back, "Hey guys I couldn't find the exit so I decided to come back." He saw the vial next to his foot and picked it up. Without thinking, he opened the vial up and drank deeply. "Nooo!" the Whinybaby screamed. But it was too late. Clu had finished drinking the pink substance and was slowly changing into. ¹⁷

.a Whinybaby!

Nobody could believe it! There had been a brilliant flash of pink light and now, sitting in Clu's place, was a small double of the Whinybaby.

"Cool!" Clu said happily, flapping his chubby arms in the air.

The Whinybaby let loose a war cry and flung himself at Clu. Pinkie took advantage of the distraction and bit Mr. Allgeek hard. Really hard.

"AH!" screamed the camp director, clutching his hand. He let go of Pinkie, who swiftly flew out of his reach.

Just then, there was a loud popping noise above the entrance and everyone looked up. ¹⁸

The loud popping noise woke Nunklehead up. He fell out of his bunk and landed with a thud on the cabin floor. He fell out of his bunk every morning-but today was different. Today he remembered the CRAZY dream he'd just had.

Nunklehead shook Brat Wurst awake. Wurst was the laziest kid at camp. He was so lazy, he paid another kid to yawn for him!

"I just had the craziest dream," Nunklehead told him. "It was about a whining baby and a bunch of talking birds. The baby could fly, and so could Mr. Allgeek. It was totally disturbing!"

"Of course you had a crazy dream," Wurst said. "Anyone who eats FORTY hotdogs at dinner is going to have disturbing dreams."

Nunklehead burped. "I ate forty hotdogs?"

Wurst nodded. "You ate forty hotdogs, ten hamburgers, and a henway."

"A henway?" said Nunklehead. "What's a henway?"

"About five pounds," Wurst said.

Everyone in the cabin burst out laughing.

"That's the worst joke I've heard since I came to Camp Whinybaby," Nunklehead said.

"Camp what?" Wurst asked. "This isn't Camp Whinybaby. You dreamed that, too. This is Camp Stupid-Ending."

Nunklehead squinted at his friend. "Really? I dreamed everything? That is a stupid ending!"

And then they both stood up tall and let their voices ring out, as they sang The Official Camp Stupid-Ending Song, which is very short and goes like this... ¹⁹